Changes

Grief begins well before the end

I haven’t posted in a long time. It’s been a Very rough year. My husband, my writing partner, left this world Oct 1st for greater glory on high. The past year has been centered around his care and my writing has all but fallen by the way side. Yet, it was not wholly forgotten. The draft of the third Asgard book is almost finished, and I hope to be able to release Storms of Wrath in the spring. More about that later.

I was a little amazed at how - soft the grief has been since he passed, until I finally realized I’ve been grieving during the long months before he died, knowing it was coming soon. That final release was, honestly, a blessing. Roland is no longer in pain, struggling to breathe, to try and walk, even a step or two. I am no longer focused almost entirely on his care. I even remember to eat most of the time now.

I’m not sharing this for sympathy, though prayers are always appreciated, but rather to encourage anyone else going through something similar. Don’t feel bad because you aren’t devastated when your husband, your partner in all things is no longer there, not if you’ve been morning the loss you’ve see coming for months already. Not when you’ve focused your entire life around their care and comfort. It’s okay to look forward as soon as You are ready. I know Roland wanted it that way. I’ll be doing my first in person event next week, an event he loved to attend and would certainly want me to go. It will be hard, but also healing.

Healing is good. Healing is also often painful, but necessary. Our son also encouraged this and he’s right. If I put it off until the events in the spring, I might not go at all. The best thing to do is to go, remember how much he enjoyed it, connect with old friends, sell some books, and remember how to live again.
There’s a line in a song that goes “If you tarry till you’re better, you will never come at all-” So, I will arise and go.

This third Asgard book has been challenging in many ways. First, I have felt, and still do, that I’m writing Way above my paygrade. I can only say that I rely on inspiration and, so far, that has not failed me. This book is fun, a little scary for me as a writer, occasionally touches the edges of some deeper concepts that are too big for me to grasp, and down to earth at the same time. Don’t ask me how all that is in one book, I have no answer for you. For those who’ve already read Silver Fire, you have a tiny peak of what might be in store. Here’s an excerpt, the girls are out getting new gear, having just discovered what they are-

Vortgun took one look at the change in them and grinned. “Ach, you’re like your mother. Well, now. You’ll still be needing daggers and probably swords, so-.”

He showed them around the shop. They already had daggers from here, but they felt spares would be a good idea. Then they saw the variety of swords, more styles than they had ever seen. They finally picked each picked out a pair of swords, like their mother, one long and one a short leaf blade.

Vortgun raised an eyebrow. “Doesna’ anyone in your family ever use a shield?”

Lapis laughed. “Not if we have a choice!”

“You’ll do just fine lass.” He grinned at them. “And I know Odin will be glad for more winged warriors.”

This third book took some unexpected directions at times. I’ve written some things I didn’t even know it needed until I wrote it. One could say that my subconscious mind is hiding things from me till the last minute, presumably so I won’t mess it up by overthinking. That’s probably fair enough.

I will do my best to post more regularly from now on. Have a joyous Thanksgiving. Cherish your friends and family while they are there. May joy and laughter fill your house along with enticing smells coming from the kitchen!